I can’t get over how much of a revelation this is for me!! My entire life I thought that I had a lack of energy, I was always tired and I would become super anxious that I had some sort of health issue or any of the other million explanations I came up with for myself.
26 years later.. (after my adhd diagnosis) I have figured it out!! I am 98% sure that this feeling that I have always attributed to being tired is actually boredom! Whaaat?! How does that make any sense?!
I get extremely agitated when I am for example, at the mall. I hate it. I love new clothes and little gadgets that you can find at the mall, but I highly dislike the mall. To be honest, I am not sure why. My assumptions are that it is too hot, too many people, it is too noisy, the lights are too bright. These things aren’t the end of the world. Why can’t I put up with these things? And you would think that all of this stimulus would make me less bored? I guess that I find it too tedious to search through the racks of clothes when I have the exact details in my mind of what I would like in, for example, a pair of jeans. Why can’t it be simple?! There are so many stores that could have the pair of jeans that I am looking for, and what if I overspend? There’s that “what if”.
- Blurry vision.
My assumption is that this is anxiety. What makes the most sense to me is that I am internalizing all of the boredom that I am experiencing. I have so much built up energy that I am pushing back because it is not socially acceptable to run all over the place. You know when kids jump up and down going “mommy I am bored”. That’s exactly how I feel. It isn’t exactly socially acceptable for a 26 year old to tug on their mothers sleeve when they are bored and would rather be anywhere else. I can relate so well with kids because, lets be honest, I am a grownup child. I want to build the toboggan run in our front yard, I want to build a snowman. Why don’t I? It isn’t exactly socially acceptable and I need to move on from that.
Another example that I can think of is I am a ringuette goalie. I would say that I have had trouble since I would say around 19 years old. I am the most inconsistent goalie that I have ever seen. I get bored since the play isn’t always in our end and I’m unable to follow the play and stay “in the zone”. I literally have goals scored on me that go through my legs and then the next minute I am stopping breakaways and diving across the net. I used to be so hard on myself (lets be honest, I still am) because it is incredibly embarrassing; I know that I am much better, and goals shouldn’t be going through my legs. These goals also take away from the amazing saves that I do make. When we lose a game 4-3 I can’t help but be hard on myself because that goal that went through my legs really could have been the difference. Unfortunately, I will get blurry vision while the play is in the other end. I get increasingly anxious that I am not going to follow the play and what will happen when they do come back in the zone and shoot along the ice? Will I respond or will they score between my legs, again?
This one is SUPER interesting to me and I have been trying to understand it for years. How do you know if you are hungry? When I get the blurry vision and agitation I have always stocked it up to hunger. I need to eat every few hours to keep my energy up. Now that I have been diagnosed, I am asking myself is this really the case? Am I just bored and eating a snack gives me that little dopamine hit that I am really looking for? I am always cured of the blurry vision and agitation the moment that I eat. I am going to keep this in mind and see if I am actually hungry or if I am just bored.
What are your symptoms when your brain is bored? How do you conquer your boredom?
Originally published on 06/02/2018