Bad news. Bad news has this way of completely taking over me. It takes over all of my thoughts and it takes over my entire body. Additudemag.com attributes it to “emotional hyperarousal”.

My shoulders are incredibly sore, it feels like I have been punched in the stomach, my limbs don’t even want to move, I get a stress headache, my breathing becomes short.

Not to mention it feels like I cannot concentrate on anything. It has been several hours now that I have been trying to:

a) Do work for one of my clients

b) Read a chapter from my school for the class that starts in 40 minutes. I have somewhat given up because it.just.isn’t.working.

I decided to write this blog post and try and figure out how I can get over this. Lets be honest, I am not going to get over this news that I have just received BUT I will not let it take over my life and get in the way of my day.

That said, I am still unsure of what to do.

My plan:

  • Move in with my loved one so she does not have to live alone while she is going through this.
  • This is going to require putting up solid boundaries so that I do not get walked all over.
  • Accept that I cannot fix the situation.
    Instead of trying to fix it, I will try and learn everything that I can.  I will try and learn as much as I can about her diagnosis and what the science (studies, etc.) says will help. I will try and understand what my loved one wants and try to do everything in my power to get her that (WHILE RESPECTING MY BOUNDARIES).
  • Do not lose myself. This is really so tough for me because I am the type of person that will dive into something like this and try and fix everything and completely lose myself in the process. I would put my loved one first and completely forget about myself and what I need to be doing for Alyssa. I think this is where boundaries will come into place again.

I friggen love blogging. I have sorted out my feelings and somewhat accepted that I cannot change this, I cannot fix it, I can only be there for my loved one. I will not put my faith in the doctors and I will not stop questioning everything that is going on;  just because that is who I am as a person. And to be completely honest, I do not trust our system. I feel like way too many patients and people fall through the cracks every.single.day. I can’t even begin to explain how hard it is for me to accept this whole situation but I am going to have to try my best.